Waiting for What?
by Caylen
Summary: Miranda Sanchez is desperately, head-over-heels in love. Gordo is having some problems of his own. First chapter set in 7th grade, but now set 10 years in the future. Please R&R!
1. The Beginning

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 1: The Beginning  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the show, okay?  
  
Summary: Miranda Sanchez is desperately, head-over-heels in love. Gordo is having some problems of his own. First chapter set in 7th grade, but soon to be set in the future. This isn't a sequel to my last story; it's just a completely new idea.  
  
"Miranda!" Lizzie squealed as she ran up the hallway.  
  
I turned around to see why she was so excited. "What's with you?"  
  
"You'll never guess who just asked me out!" She grinned widely.  
  
"Ethan?" I asked eagerly.  
  
"Nope, believe me you'll never guess!" Lizzie began to jump up and down.  
  
"Tell me!" I gave her the look that always made her spill.  
  
It worked. "Gordo!" She squeaked.  
  
"Where?" I turned around and looked for him but he wasn't there. Then I turned back to Lizzie and gave her a confused look.  
  
"No stupid, he's the one that asked me out!" Lizzie giggled.  
  
I stood there stunned with a look of horror on my face. She was right. I never would have guess that Gordo was the one who asked her out. This is bad, very bad. What am I going to do?  
  
"Miranda, is something wrong?" Lizzie's smile faded when she saw the not-so- happy look on my face.  
  
I recovered as quickly as I could with the most fake grin I've ever seen. "No, I'm so happy for you two," I said through gritted teeth.  
  
Luckily she bought it. "Oh good, for a second there I thought you were mad that Gordo asked me out!"  
  
I grimaced but Lizzie being her oblivious self didn't realize it. "Of course not!"  
  
"Thanks for being so supportive Miranda," Lizzie told me sincerely. "You're a great friend."  
  
"No problem," I lied.  
  
"I got to go meet Gordo now!" Lizzie was evidently thrilled. "Bye!"  
  
"See ya," I said weakly as she ran down the hall.  
  
~**~  
  
Over the next few weeks I became more and more depressed. My two best friends were dating. Under normal circumstances this would have been fine, and I would have been happy for them, but not when I was madly in love with one of them. Gordo, that is. I would've given anything in the world to be in Lizzie's shoes as she snuggled close to him on the porch. Seeing as I had nothing else to do, since my two best friends were a little preoccupied (with each other), it because a obsession of mine to watch them whenever they were together. I don't know why I did this to myself, for every time they touched, even in the very slightest, it would feel as if 1,000 knives where thrown at my heart. I became used to the pain though, because ever since Lizzie had confessed that Gordo had been the one that had asked her out to me, pain was all I felt. And yet, whenever Lizzie or Gordo would ask me if something was wrong, I would reply by saying "Why would you think that?" or "No, I'm just so happy for you two," and leave it at that.  
  
The day I dreaded most though, was the day that Lizzie and Gordo would share their first kiss. I knew it was going to happen soon and I didn't want to be there when it did. But I was. And as their lips met, a part of me died. I couldn't pretend to be happy for them anymore, I just couldn't. I was miserable. Still, I kept playing along. I couldn't tell either one of them that I wasn't happy for them. I didn't want to hurt them, even if it killed me first.  
  
A 7th grader isn't supposed to have feelings like these, something must be wrong with me. Why did I love Gordo so much? And what was I waiting for?  
  
~**~  
  
"Hey," Gordo said as he sat down next to me on the school steps.  
  
A chill went up my spine. I hadn't been alone with Gordo in months. Lizzie had always been there too. "Where's Lizzie?" I said quickly.  
  
"Left early," He said coolly. "Dentist appointment,"  
  
"Oh," I mumbled.  
  
"Miranda, things have changed between us, haven't they?" Gordo looked at me innocently with his beautiful blue eyes.  
  
"Really?" I asked. "I hadn't noticed,"  
  
"Seriously Miranda," He looked deep into my eyes.  
  
I wanted to grab him and pull him into the most passionate kiss he had ever experienced at that moment. But I couldn't bring myself to. Instead I burst into tears.  
  
"Oh my god Miranda, what's wrong?" He looked so concerned. "Please tell me what is the matter."  
  
"Nothing," I sobbed. I jumped up quickly to leave. He caught my arm.  
  
"Please tell me Miranda," His gaze had me under his control. If only he wasn't so damn gorgeous, then I could've gotten away.  
  
Then I did something I wish I wouldn't have done. I kissed him. Yes, I kissed Davis Zephyr Gordon with all the passion and all the feelings that I had been hold inside myself for three years. But the thing that surprised me most was that he didn't push me away. He returned the kiss. And after what seemed like hours I finally pulled myself from him and ran. I heard him yell after me, but I didn't respond. I just continued running. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. How could I have done that? What if Lizzie found out? She'd never speak to me again.  
  
~**~  
  
Weeks passed and she never did find out. Gordo and I just acted as if it never happened. They went back to their stupid little dates, and I went back to spying on them but now with more pain than before. I now knew that he would rather have Lizzie than he would me. 


	2. A Breakup and a Couple of Drinks

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 2: A Breakup and a Couple of Drinks  
  
Ten Years Later  
  
At the age of 13, I never would have guessed I'd be here in life. I'm 23 years old; I graduated from NYU, and now have a job as a photographer for the New York Times. God I love New York City. I moved here as soon as I could. My still two best friends, Lizzie and Gordo, live in the very same magnificent city as me. Although most people called them Liz and Dave now, I'll always refer to them as Lizzie and Gordo. Did I mention that they are married now? But I'm okay with it now, or at least, I was.  
  
~**~  
  
Sam and I had been dating for almost a year. He had told me that there was something very important that he had to tell me at dinner that night.  
  
"So Sam, what was it that you needed to tell me?" I asked him after our food arrived.  
  
"Miranda, we've been dating for about a year, right?" He said.  
  
"Yes," I agreed.  
  
"Well, I've come to a decision," Sam said firmly.  
  
"And what is that?" I narrowed my eyes to look at him.  
  
"We should break up," He replied emotionlessly.  
  
I was surprised. This I hadn't expected. But I wasn't upset, just mad. "Could you at least let me know why?" I snarled at him.  
  
"Come on Miranda, it's obvious that you don't want to be in this relationship," Sam tried to think of and excuse.  
  
"No Sam, you want to know what's obvious?" I glared at him with anger. "That you are only breaking up with me because you found some whore to lay you more often than I do!" I stormed out of the restaurant while everyone stared at me. I made a note to myself not to visit that place in a while.  
  
"Horny bastard," I muttered as I walked up the dark street.  
  
I soon found myself sitting in a bar down the street from my apartment. I ordered a few drinks and things got a little blurry after that. I'm not sure how much I drank.  
  
I met this nice guy who bought me some more drinks. We began talking and soon started getting closer. I know that I shouldn't have been doing this especially after just breaking up with Sam, but his touch was strangely familiar and I couldn't seem to bring myself away from him (Plus the fact that I was horribly drunk and couldn't control my actions at all might have contributed). Things between this kind stranger and I soon got extremely intense and soon the bar tender kicked us out. I invited the man up to my apartment and things got completely blurred after that. I can only imagine what happened…  
  
~**~  
  
Slowly I opened my eyes. Ugh, I see light, it must be morning. My head throbbed in pain. How late did I stay up last night? I rolled over and realized I wasn't alone. Ah! There's a guy sleeping next to me! And he's not wearing anything! I looked down at myself and quickly pulled the sheets up to my chin. And I'm not wearing anything either! Memories of the previous night began flowing back to me. I took a closer look at the man lying beside me and thought that he looked a lot like…GORDO!  
  
I screamed.  
  
He woke up. He reacted very similarly to me with one exception. His first words were, "You're not Lizzie."  
  
"Thanks for informing me!" I shot back.  
  
"Well, this is…" My best friend trailed off.  
  
"Bad?" I finished.  
  
"I guess you could say that," He said, still in shock.  
  
"So um, I guess you better get home," I said breaking the short silence.  
  
"Yeah, but Miranda we really should talk about this," He looked at me with those deep blue eyes of his.  
  
God, after all these years I still can't resist them. "I'd run away but that's not a possibility right now," I said looked down at the sheet I was wearing.  
  
"Why do you do that?" He asked.  
  
"Do what?" I asked back.  
  
"Run away from everything," He stated.  
  
"I do not," I disagreed  
  
"Well, you always have when you didn't want to talk about something with me," He insisted.  
  
He was right about that. "Maybe," I mumbled.  
  
"Ring," The telephone rang. Since it was next to my bed and I didn't have to get up, I picked up the receiver.  
  
"Miranda?" The voice trembled.  
  
"Lizzie," I looked at Gordo.  
  
He winced.  
  
"Miranda, Gordo and I got into a fight last night and he took off," She continued. "He never came home! What should I do?" Lizzie sounded very upset.  
  
"Oh, um, don't worry, he's here," I said.  
  
Gordo looked as if was ready to kill me.  
  
"I mean, he came over last night after you two got in a fight to talk things over with me. We both fell asleep on the couch and I forgot to let you know that he was here." I continued.  
  
Gordo let out a deep sigh.  
  
"Oh good, I was afraid he'd go get drunk and find himself in bed with another woman the next morning!" Lizzie seemed relieved that that wasn't the case (even though it was).  
  
I forced a laugh. "Gordo would never do that!"  
  
"I guess you're right, but could you send him home, I need to apologize to him," Lizzie said.  
  
"Alright, bye Lizzie," I hung up the phone.  
  
"You really ought to leave," I said.  
  
"Miranda…" He started.  
  
"No, your wife wants you home, get dressed and go," I cut him off. I looked the other way.  
  
He got out of bed and got dressed. Then he walked over to me.  
  
"Please leave, Gordo," I began to beg.  
  
"I'll leave now, but we will talk about this later," He stated seriously. Then he finally did leave. That's what I wanted, right?  
  
~**~  
  
I sat there in bed in the same position for three hours straight. I felt like I was 13 again, my love for David Gordon was returning. Maybe it never left me at all; maybe I just ignored it for 10 years.  
  
I'm a horrible friend. How could I do this to Lizzie? How could Gordo do this to Lizzie? How could we both do this to her? She doesn't deserve this, not at all. She never did anything wrong. But I can't ever tell her what happened, not ever. She can't ever find out. She'll be crushed.  
  
I need to talk to Gordo. 


	3. Awkward Conversations

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 3: Awkward Conversations  
  
I felt shameful, yeah that's the word. I felt so many things, but shameful most of all. And I didn't want to talk to him, but I had to.  
  
I knocked on the Gordon's apartment door. Lizzie opened it.  
  
"Oh, hi Miranda," Lizzie said. "You can stay here with Gordo if you want, but I really have to get to the store,"  
  
I felt somewhat relieved that she was leaving, but still petrified of talking about our little situation with Gordo. "Alright, bye Lizzie," I said as she left the apartment and I entered.  
  
Gordo walked out of the kitchen. "Miranda," He said, obviously a little surprised to see me so soon (although it had already been two days).  
  
"Hi," I replied vaguely. "Surprised to see me?"  
  
"Yes, but I'm glad you are here. We really need to talk." He told me.  
  
"Yeah, I know," I sat down on the couch.  
  
He sat next to me. "Lizzie apologized to me, and you know what?" He paused and looked at me. "I accepted it! I acted as if it was just some little argument we got into and that is all! I must be the biggest asshole in the world, not to mention the worst husband!"  
  
"I know what you mean Gordo; I hate myself too for what I did to Lizzie, I have no right to call myself her best friend!" I said truthfully.  
  
"Miranda, we've gotten ourselves into a very big problem," Gordo said. "I feel so…" He trailed off.  
  
"Shameful?" I finished for him.  
  
"Yeah," He muttered.  
  
"Me too," I agreed. "But what can we do?"  
  
"We could tell her," Gordo said but winced as he did.  
  
"No," I said too quickly. "She'd never talk to either of us ever again,"  
  
"I know," He looked down.  
  
"Do you regret it?" I asked and then cursed at myself once she realized what I had said.  
  
"Well of course I do, why wouldn't I?" Gordo almost yelled defensively.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to ask that," I hadn't expected him to react like that.  
  
"You regret it don't you?" He asked me, still a little ticked off.  
  
As I open my mouth to answer, I realized that I couldn't answer him, not truthfully at least. I didn't regret it. Sure, I probably wouldn't have done it if I was sober, but I didn't regret it now. And I can't ever force myself to regret it because I love Gordo. And nothing, not him marrying my best friend, not him having completely platonic feelings for me, could ever change that. I wanted to regret it for Lizzie's sake, but I just damn couldn't. "Yeah, I do," I lied to him while looking him straight in the eye. "But I just want to know Gordo, why did this happen?"  
  
"You know, Lizzie and I got into a fight," He said finally cooling off.  
  
"About what?" I asked.  
  
"It was stupid, about work I guess. She said I needed to spend more time with her," He said. "Then I just got pissed off and left. And at the bar down the street is where we met up I guess. What were you doing there?"  
  
"I was just mad about Sam breaking up with me, that's all," I said emotionlessly.  
  
"He broke up with you? God, I never liked that guy," Gordo grumbled.  
  
"I know," I said. "But are things ever going to be the same?"  
  
"Between us?" He paused. "Well, we could pretend that they are, but I doubt that they ever really will be."  
  
"Yeah," I said.  
  
The front door swung open. Lizzie staggered in holding two bags of groceries. Gordo and I both got up and took one out of her hands and took them to the kitchen. "Thanks," she called after us.  
  
"Hey honey, hey Miranda," Lizzie said when we came back out of the kitchen. "So what've you two been doing?"  
  
"Just talking," I said.  
  
Gordo nodded in agreement.  
  
"Well, I have to go now," I said.  
  
"Bye," Lizzie and Gordo replied and waved.  
  
As I walked on my way to my apartment, I realized I'd never be able to get over Gordo. I'd never be able to be married, at least not happily, unless it was to Gordo. I was hopelessly in love.  
  
I think I need therapy. 


	4. Unexpected Actions

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 4: Unexpected Actions  
  
So what if I'd had an actual conversation with Gordo concerning our little dilemma? It hadn't solved anything; I just realized I was even more in love with him. What the hell is wrong with me? People aren't supposed to fall in love with their best friend's husbands, it just isn't natural! Well, technically I did love him before Lizzie did, but that's beside the point. There was only one thing I could do to get Gordo off my mind. I had to tell him how I feel about him, then I would at least have some closure, right?  
  
~**~  
  
"Ring," The telephone rang as I held the receiver to my ear, waiting for someone to pick it up.  
  
"Hello," I heard a male voice answer. I let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Hi Gordo, can you come over please?" I asked him quickly.  
  
"Oh Miranda," He acknowledged me. "Now?"  
  
"Yes, now," I said. "And don't ask questions, just come over, please?"  
  
"Alright, I'll leave a note for Lizzie," Gordo told me. "See you in a few," He hung up the phone.  
  
I also put down the receiver. Oh, God. This was it. I was about to tell Gordo my true feelings for him.  
  
~**~  
  
I heard a knock at my door. I went to open it and as I suspected, Gordo was standing there.  
  
"Hey Miranda, is something up?" He asked as he walked inside and shut the door behind him.  
  
"No, why would you say that?" I replied unconvincingly.  
  
"Maybe because you told me to come over here in the middle of the day and not to ask any questions?" He suggested.  
  
"Oh," I said stupidly. "Well, I guess something is up then." I sat down at the kitchen table.  
  
He seated himself across from me. "Okay," Gordo paused. "What is it then?"  
  
"Well, I've been thinking," I began.  
  
"That's a good thing to do from time to time," He smirked, but his smile quickly faded when he realized that his joking around was making me get extremely nervous. "What have you been thinking about?" He asked more seriously.  
  
"Well, us," I said, but then added, "You mostly,"  
  
"And?" He urged me to elaborate.  
  
"Gordo, this is really hard for me to say," I told him.  
  
"Miranda, you know you can tell me anything," He said with concern.  
  
"This may not help the situation that we're in…" I trailed off.  
  
"I don't care; I just need to know how you're feeling, or whatever you are struggling with," Gordo said sincerely.  
  
"Gordo," I took a deep breath. "I love you."  
  
"I know you do Miranda, and I love you too," He told me. "But what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"You don't love me the same way that I love you, Gordo!" I said with a little more vehemence than I had meant to. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?" He asked with fear of my reply.  
  
"Gordo, don't you get it?" I stood up and walked over to him as the tears began to flow. I looked straight into his bluer that blue eyes and sobbed, "I'm 100%, head over heels, more than you'll ever know, in love with you! At this very moment I wish I could grab your face and bring it to mine and show you exactly why I kissed you back in 7th grade. You may not even remember it, but I do, and I was just as much in love with then as I am now! I know I'm pathetic, never saying a word of this to you before now, but it doesn't matter anyway. I'm too late. You're married to my best friend!"  
  
Gordo sat in that wooden kitchen chair, with his eyes as large as they could possibly be, bewildered.  
  
I ran into my bedroom without taking the time to shut the door and thrust myself onto the bed. I shoved my head into a pillow and screamed.  
  
Then I heard his footsteps. He was standing next to the bed staring down at the back of my head, which was hidden inside a pillow.  
  
"Miranda," Gordo whispered as he bent down and put both his hands, one on each cheek, on my face and lifted it from the pillow. He pulled me so that I was looking directly into his eyes. "It's okay."  
  
It's okay? What did he mean it was okay? Was he okay with the fact that I'm in love with him? I was about to ask if what exactly he meant by 'it' being okay, but then, to my absolute astonishment, he answered my question wordlessly.  
  
He kissed me. And it wasn't just a quick kiss on the cheek; he kissed me on my longing lips, with so much power and passion that it almost overwhelmed me to the point of fainting. But I did not faint, I eagerly returned his kiss and each second it grew more exciting and intense. But also with each second our kiss grew more and more wrong. Although having sex with Gordo seemed much worse than one kiss, no matter how many strong feelings were involved, it was accidental that we had betrayed Lizzie that night. But today, was worse. We were intentionally hurting Lizzie.  
  
And yet, we continued. I could not stop, I didn't want to. And apparently, Gordo didn't want to stop either.  
  
~**~  
  
Our one kiss led to many that afternoon, and our very convenient spot to begin kissing soon got the better of us. That's right; I, Miranda Isabella Sanchez, and David Zephyr Gordon had sex in that bed…again. But this time, we meant to. It was real. I had gotten what I had always longed for.  
  
Why did it have to feel so wrong? 


	5. The Little Surprise

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 5: The Little Surprise  
  
A/N: Sorry, I haven't written this in a long time. I've been working on my other story. But here's a new chapter. Tell me what you think.  
  
~**~  
  
I am a bad person. No, a REALLY bad person. I slept with Gordo. My best friend's husband! AGAIN! And I wasn't drunk either. I wish I would have been, then I'd have an excuse. But I'm not that lucky.  
  
I felt sick. I mean, seriously sick. I wondered what was wrong with me. I figured it was probably just guilt.  
  
~**~  
  
"Lizzie, I'm just not in the mood right now," Gordo said. "I'm sorry honey, I'm just not."  
  
"Gordo, is something wrong?" Lizzie asked. "Because you haven't been in the mood once for the past few weeks!"  
  
"It's just that, well, I don't know," he muttered.  
  
"We used to have sex all the time, Gordo. And now, you've just completely stopped it," she told him. "I need you back."  
  
"Lizzie, I understand. But, just, not now, okay?" Gordo said.  
  
"Whatever," she was obviously disappointed and walked away.  
  
~**~  
  
Ring-ring.  
  
"Hello," I picked up the phone.  
  
"Hi Miranda," Gordo said. "Things aren't going so well here."  
  
"They aren't here either. Can you hold on a second?" I dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom to throw up. That had been happening all day.  
  
"Sorry, I had to uh, puke. I feel horrible." I told Gordo once I had gotten back to the phone. "I don't know what this is, it can't be the flu at this time of year."  
  
"You should see the doctor, Miranda," Gordo said.  
  
"Yeah, I'll probably go later today," I said. "So what's your problem?"  
  
"Lizzie's been offering and I've been refusing, if you catch my drift," he said.  
  
"Oh," I said uncomfortably. "Sorry, I don't think I can help you on that one, but we haven't really talked about what happened last week, have we?"  
  
"No," he said. "But, we both we sober and knew what we were doing, right?"  
  
"Unfortunately," I said. "But what are we going to do? I mean, I don't know about you but, I, well, I don't regret it, because no matter how much guilt I may feel, if you take all that away, I haven't ever felt so happy."  
  
"Although that sounded a little confusing, I know what you mean, and I agree," Gordo admitted. "But I'm married. And that's a commitment I can't just break."  
  
"Sorry Gordo, but I think you already did," I told him.  
  
He sighed. "I know."  
  
"Well, I think I'm going to call the doctor now, so I'll talk to you as soon as possible, okay?" I said.  
  
"Alright, bye," he hung up.  
  
I did too. Then I found my doctor's phone number and called. I had an appointment in an hour.  
  
~**~  
  
I sat in the waiting room.  
  
"Miranda Sanchez," a nurse called.  
  
I followed her into the examining room.  
  
"The doctor will be in shortly," she told me.  
  
I nodded.  
  
After about ten minutes, the doctor came in. "Hello Miranda, I am Dr. Richards, how are you?"  
  
"Well, I've felt very sick all day," I told him. "I've thrown up an awful lot."  
  
He checked all sorts of things in a doctorly way before finally giving me a cup to pee in and packaged bag. "Here, pee in this cup and then open the package and follow the directions.  
  
"Alright," I said, although confused.  
  
~**~  
  
I hate when doctors make you pee in cups. Oh well, I guess it determines something.  
  
After I finished with the whole cup business, I set it down and open up the packaged bag.  
  
It was a pregnancy test.  
  
"Shit," I whispered to myself. Why hadn't I thought of this before? I made perfect sense. What if I was pregnant? Gordo and I most likely didn't even use protection the first time! We were drunk. We didn't think. "Please God, no!"  
  
I followed the directions on the test.  
  
I waited impatiently for it to be done.  
  
It was…  
  
~**~  
  
A/N: So, what'll it be? Is Miranda pregnant? R&R to find out! 


	6. Death Threat

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 6: Death Threat  
  
POSITIVE.  
  
My screams were heard throughout the entire building.  
  
But then I noticed something important, something that could make a drastic change in my life:  
  
The test was upside down. I had read it wrong. It was negative.  
  
I did I double take. I re-read the directions about 20 times. Yes, the test was really negative.  
  
I let out an enormous sigh of relief and slid down the bathroom wall.  
  
Sometimes I want to kill myself for being so thick. How the hell could I read the pregnancy test wrong? I'm such an idiot. A damn lucky idiot at least.  
  
So I wasn't pregnant. Thank God. But, I almost had a heart attack when I read the test wrong.  
  
The fact was though, in a very small way, as crazy as it sounded, I wanted to be pregnant. That way, even though it would ruin Lizzie and Gordo's marriage, and Lizzie and my friendship; I would have Gordo to myself once and for all.  
  
But the other fact was that in a much larger way, I didn't want to be pregnant. And I was so thankful that I wasn't.  
  
~**~  
  
After I left the doctor's office that day, my sickness faded away. Just guilt was all it was. But although the sickness faded, the guilt did not.  
  
And there was no way of getting rid of the guilt; I'd just have to live my life with it. And I'd have to give up my heart and soul to Gordo. I couldn't have him. He is Lizzie's. Not mine. He should be in a museum with a sign that says 'Do Not Touch, MIRANDA!' I never should have touched. But when he touched me, I lost all ability to him. And now things are different.  
  
~**~  
  
A week passed. Gordo tried to contact me numerous times, but I could face him. I had thought long and hard about everything that had been going on. I came to an extremely tough decision. I had to get rid of this guilt. I'd end up killing myself if I wasn't free of it soon. I was going to tell Lizzie EVERYTHING. Then I'd leave and never see her and especially never see Gordo ever again.  
  
~**~  
  
"Hello?" Gordo's voice answered the phone.  
  
I couldn't let him know it was me. I couldn't talk to him. "Um, hello," I said in a deep voice. "Could I speak with Mrs. Gordon, please?"  
  
"May I ask who is calling?" he asked.  
  
Damn. "Uh, this is her boss," I said quickly.  
  
"Alright," he said.  
  
Yes, he bought it.  
  
"Mr. Manchester? Is there a problem?" Lizzie said into the phone.  
  
"No Lizzie," I said in my normal voice. "It's Miranda. Gordo couldn't understand me because I was eating something."  
  
"Oh, good. I thought I was in trouble at work," Lizzie said.  
  
"No, but do you think you could come over to my place?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, sure," she said. "I haven't talked to you in a while."  
  
"Yeah I know," I said.  
  
"Well, I'll see you in a few minutes," She said.  
  
"Bye," I hung up the phone and sat nervously on my couch. This was it.  
  
Ding-Dong.  
  
I answered the door and Lizzie came inside.  
  
"So Miranda, what's been going on lately?" Lizzie asked.  
  
"More than you could imagine," I told her.  
  
"Well, I've got time if you'd like to fill me in," she said.  
  
"I would," I said.  
  
"But before I start, I want to say goodbye," I said.  
  
"What?" she asked, confused.  
  
"And also, you should know that you and Gordo are my best friends and I never meant for any of this to happen. But, I take full and complete blame for all of this," I said.  
  
"What has been going on Miranda?" Lizzie began to get worried. "You're scaring me."  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. "I'll tell you everything."  
  
"Go ahead," she said.  
  
And I did. I told her that I had loved Gordo my entire life. I told her about the time that we were both drunk. And also about the time when we both sober. And then about the doctor visit I had last week.  
  
She had started crying at the very beginning, and by the end, she had stopped. Now she just stared at me with pure hatred. "You…, you…" she couldn't even speak.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said.  
  
"How could you?" she finally spit out at me with anger.  
  
I looked at her blankly.  
  
"How could he?" she asked herself more than anyone else.  
  
Lizzie stood motionless for about five minutes. Then suddenly she yelled, "I hate you, Miranda Sanchez!"  
  
"I know you do," I said quietly.  
  
"No, let me speak, and don't you dare say a word!" Lizzie's watering eyes were now red and filled with rage. "If I had a gun right now, I'd kill you, Miranda. In fact, I'm considering killing you with my bare hands. But you know what, that's too good for you. I'm going to make you suffer. I TRUSTED YOU! You betrayed me! It was one thing for you to be drunk and fooling around on my husband, but then you tell me that it doesn't stop there! You went and fucked him AGAIN! You whore! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! You said you were my best friend. Best friends don't do this! NO ACCEPTIONS! I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life in jail, Miranda. I'm going to kill you. You are going to endure a long and painful death." Lizzie was drenched in sweat, and never in my life would I have thought she could be so mad.  
  
She started walking toward me.  
  
I took a step backward.  
  
She pounced on me like a jaguar on its prey.  
  
But within 15 seconds I had her pinned on the ground, unable to move. I hadn't hurt her, but she couldn't hurt me.  
  
I guess she forgot that I've had 12 years of karate and she's had no training at all.  
  
"Get off of me Miranda! I'll kill you, I will!" she screamed.  
  
"Lizzie, I know you're mad, but without a weapon, you cannot kill me," I said calmly. "I'll let you go, but only if you promise not to try to attack me again."  
  
"Why should I make promises to you?" she yelled. "You've obviously broken every promise you've ever made to me."  
  
I let her go and although she was still enraged, she didn't seize me. She walked silently to the door and opened it.  
  
But before she exited I asked her, "If you are planning to do what you said to me, what are you going to do to Gordo?"  
  
"I'm going to ask him who he chooses, you or me," she said harshly.  
  
"And what if he chooses me?" I asked.  
  
"He won't," she said and slammed the door behind her.  
  
~**~  
  
A/N: So, Miranda isn't pregnant. But Lizzie sure is mad. Please R&R! 


	7. Life

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 7: Life  
  
  
  
A/N: Sorry I haven't written in a while! I seriously think my teachers have plotted against me in order to make sure I get absolutely no free time AT ALL! Oh well, here's the next chapter. I'm rating this chapter R, for a scene at the end of it, and some language throughout it.  
  
~**~  
  
I watched as Lizzie slammed the door behind her.  
  
"Is this the worst day of my life, or what?" I mumbled to myself. Now I didn't just have to worry about losing my best friend and that man I love, but also my own life. Lizzie was mad…mad enough to kill. So I had to leave, for good. I'd never look back. I'd forget everything about Lizzie and Gordo. EVERYTHING. I had to begin a new, safer, life.  
  
~**~  
  
I called up a real estate company. I set up meeting to discuss selling my apartment with them. I even began to gather little things around the house and put them in boxes.  
  
Gordo had called my house numerous times over the next few weeks, but as soon as I realized it was him I'd just hang up. Luckily he had never tried to visit. A part of me wished he would visit, but it was best if he didn't. I really needed to get over him. And that meant not seeing him EVER AGAIN.  
  
~**~  
  
Two months have past, my house had been sold, and I began to unpack my bags and settle in my new apartment, one that is just 10 minutes away from my old one. But this is New York City, it didn't matter if I was close to them or not, Lizzie and Gordo weren't going to find me.  
  
I mean, neither Lizzie nor Gordo found me during those few months while I still lived at my old place (sure, I slept in different hotels at least once a week, but) how could they find me now?  
  
They probably weren't even looking for me.  
  
~**~  
  
"Oh sorry about that, sir," I said not really looking at him because I had crashed into him while walking home and dropped all of my groceries.  
  
"It's fine, let me help you," said a familiar voice as he bent down to help me pick everything up.  
  
I slowly lifted my head, already knowing the person I'd see crouched down in front of me.  
  
Gordo.  
  
But amazingly he didn't seem surprised, scared, or anything of that nature. He smiled. He smiled that great, wonderful, smile of his.  
  
Then he whispered softly, "Miranda, I chose you."  
  
I couldn't speak. I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I grabbed him and kissed him.  
  
There we were, crouched down on that sidewalk, in front of the supermarket, making up for all our days apart.  
  
Too bad that's not what happened.  
  
If only things had gone that way.  
  
Instead they went like this:  
  
I slowly lifted my head, already knowing the person I'd see crouched down in front of me.  
  
Sam.  
  
Remember him? The asshole that dumped me the night I slept with Gordo for the first time.  
  
"Miranda?" he asked.  
  
I stood up after collecting up my groceries. "Yes, it's me."  
  
"Wow, I haven't seen you in a long time," he said.  
  
"Yeah, and I bet you missed me so much, right?" I asked.  
  
"Of course I did Miranda," he assured me, putting him hand on my shoulder.  
  
I shrugged it off. "Look Sam, I've got to go," I said.  
  
"Come on Miranda, maybe we should go get a cup of coffee or something. You know, spend some time together," he said.  
  
As I was about to decline his offer, I remember how I needed to move on. So instead I accepted to spend time with Sam. "Sam, your right, I really overreacted when you broke up with me about 4 months ago. And I want to make it up to you. Why don't we go up to your apartment instead of to the café?"  
  
"Miranda," he said, intrigued. "I will take up on your offer, let's go." Sam put his arm around my shoulders and we walked to his apartment.  
  
~**~  
  
As I looked around this place I once knew, memories of my love for Gordo filled my head. I remembered how he'd gotten into so many fights with Sam when we first started double dating with him and Lizzie. He had told me over and over again that I deserved much better, but I never listened to him. And yet, even after all that time, I returned to this apartment.  
  
"Sam, I've missed you," I said seductively as I wrapped my body around his.  
  
"Me too, Miranda," he moaned and kissed me. "It's been too long."  
  
But Gordo was haunting me. Even as my tongue traveled through another man's mouth, images of us together occupied my mind. I needed to be rid of these flashes, once and for all.  
  
So I did the only thing I knew how to do in order to forget about Gordo.  
  
I undressed Sam as he undressed me.  
  
I kissed him as he kissed me.  
  
I fucked him as he fucked me.  
  
~**~  
  
Three more months passed. Sam and I were 'dating' again. But mostly our relationship was that we'd call one another when we were frustrated and without asking any questions, whoever was called would drop by for a quick visit and relieve the caller. It wasn't that it I didn't enjoy all the sex I was having, but I didn't think of it as a real relationship.  
  
I wasn't in love. But I guess that wasn't the reason I began this anyway. I just wanted to forget about everything between me and you know who.  
  
And that goal was accomplished. I hardly thought about him anymore. That was, until yesterday.  
  
"Sam!" I pushed him away from me. "Not in public, I already told you!"  
  
"Then can we go up to my room?" he asked.  
  
I giggled and stopped to kiss him in the middle of the sidewalk.  
  
Then, in the middle of a more than polite kiss with Sam, he accidentally bumped into us.  
  
Yes, him. HIM. DAVID GORDON.  
  
I pulled away from Sam just in time to get a glimpse of his face.  
  
"Miranda!" he almost screamed. "And…Sam," he said much less enthusiastically.  
  
"Uh, hey," I said casually (Sam never knew about anything that had happened between Gordo and I and I preferred to keep it that way).  
  
"Sam, do you think you could get lost for a little while?" Gordo asked.  
  
"Fine, I'll see you later Miranda," he said and gave me a lengthy kiss in an attempt to anger Gordo. Then he left.  
  
"Gordo, let's go up to my apartment," I started.  
  
"Okay," he said and we walked there. "I see you're with Sam again."  
  
"Yeah, I am Gordo," I said once we went inside. "And you're with Lizzie, right?"  
  
"Miranda, she's my wife," he began and sat down on the sofa.  
  
"No, I don't want to hear it," I stood up. "I moved away so I wouldn't see you ever again Gordo. I wanted to forget about you. I wanted to forget how much I loved you. I didn't want to see you! Why are you here?"  
  
"I didn't mean to find you Miranda," he told me coldly. "I wanted to forget about you too. We both made a big mistake, don't you realize that? After Lizzie found out everything that happened, she forgave me, and of course I stayed with her! She's been loyal to me all my life! I'm in love with her, Miranda; I was never in love with you! What we had was just an affair, a meaningless affair. And I'll never make that mistake again."  
  
I should have known. Lizzie was right when she said that Gordo would never choose me over her.  
  
"Are you finished?" I wavered, fighting back tears.  
  
"No, we are," Gordo looked as he never did before. He was filled with hatred, hatred of me. "Never again Miranda, never again."  
  
I turned away from him. His eyes were too enraged to look into.  
  
He stood up, grabbed my shoulder and turned me toward him. "You ruined a lot of things Miranda, and now I'm going to leave you worse than dead." He kissed me in a forceful, revolting manner and pushed me down on the couch. I smelt liquor on his breath. But Gordo was a strong man and whether or not I had karate training, I couldn't get out of his grip.  
  
"What are you going to do to me?" Tears trailed down my face.  
  
Gordo ripped off my shirt and threw it to the floor. "I hate you and now you're going to pay."  
  
"Stop Gordo, Stop!" I cried.  
  
But he didn't stop. Soon my pants and bra were on the floor with my shirt and he continued kissing me with anger and telling me I was going to pay.  
  
I screamed even louder when he ripped off my underwear and pulled off his pants. His boxers were then thrown to the floor and he thrust himself inside me.  
  
I begged, pleaded, and cried for him to stop, but he only forced himself harder into me.  
  
I was in pain, more pain than I had ever felt in my entire life.  
  
Then suddenly he stopped. He stood up and took one last look at my shaking, naked body. He put on his boxers and pants and left.  
  
~**~ 


	8. Endings

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 8: Endings  
  
Gordo had left me worse than dead.  
  
~**~  
  
Last night I laid where he left me for hours. I felt so cold, so dirty, but I couldn't move. I was paralyzed.  
  
I finally pulled a blanket over my naked body and fell asleep.  
  
This morning, I woke up and showered but I couldn't be clean.  
  
I needed a way out.  
  
But there was only one way out.  
  
~**~  
  
I found a blank sheet of paper and an envelope. I could use email, but I wanted this to be personal.  
  
I took a black ink pen and wrote on the envelope:  
  
Mrs. Gordon  
  
P.O. Box 54  
  
Brooklyn, NY 11205  
  
I placed the paper in front of me and wrote:  
  
Dear Lizzie McGuire Gordon,  
  
You already know who this is. You know me and my handwriting.  
  
DO NOT SHOW THIS TO GORDO. You can chose to complete disregard what I write to you, or you can believe me when I promise you that this is the truth.  
  
I know you hate me. You have every right to. But your husband, he bad too, Lizzie. I'm not telling you this because I'm angry, which I am, but I'm telling you this because you deserve the truth.  
  
Yesterday, for the first time in months, I saw Gordo. We went to my new apartment to talk, but he didn't talk to me. He raped me. And I couldn't stop him. He is out of control, Lizzie; you need to get away from him before he hurts you.  
  
You need to believe me Lizzie, I know I've lied to you before, but I wouldn't ever lie to you about this. Get away from Gordo. You deserved better from the very beginning. You never lied or cheated, he and I did.  
  
I'm sorry Lizzie. I'm sorry I did the things I did to you, and I'm sorry you have to find out about this, like this. But most of all, I'm sorry for ever loving Gordo. You were always a good friend to me. I wish I could have returned the favor. I never should have loved him. But now it's too late. Don't bother trying to contact me; by the time you get this letter, I'll already be dead.  
  
Things will be better off without my horrible existence in the world anyway, right?  
  
Sincerest Apologies,  
  
Miranda Isabella Sanchez  
  
I folded up the tear smudged, black ink, finished letter and placed it in the envelope without a return address.  
  
I drove my car to my P.O. Box. I slid the letter in and went straight back to my apartment.  
  
I went into the bathroom to collect all the old capsules and pills I could find. Being unsuccessful in this, I traveled to kitchen and drew out a small, but very sharp knife.  
  
It was so silver and shiny. I knew it would be the last thing I'd ever hold.  
  
"I'm going to die where you left me, Gordo," I laid myself down on that unbearable couch again.  
  
I held up the knife and stared at it for a few minutes. I could see my reflection clearly. I never thought things would end like this. I had so much hate inside of me. But I didn't hate Lizzie, and I didn't hate Gordo. I hated myself. I had ruined both their lives. I didn't deserve to live.  
  
After all, without life, I could stop doing the one thing I had always been good at, waiting. Waiting for what, you ask?  
  
"Gordo," I whispered and took my last breath as I slit my throat. 


	9. Epilogue

Waiting for What?  
  
Epilogue  
  
She emptied her P.O. Box two days later and found 4 bills, 2 magazines, and an envelope that was obviously handwritten. It read:  
  
Mrs. Gordon  
  
P.O. Box 54  
  
Brooklyn, NY 11205  
  
But something seemed so similar to her and as she walked back to her car. That handwriting…she knew it. It was Miranda's handwriting.  
  
Once seated in the car, she tore open the envelope, fearful of what it might contain.  
  
She read the letter it held slowly and soon reached the end of it.  
  
"Don't bother trying to contact me; by the time you get this letter, I'll already be dead." The words echoed in her head. Miranda had killed herself.  
  
She shoved the letter in her pocket, turned the key in the ignition, and raced home. She ran up the steps and burst into her apartment.  
  
"Lizzie, what's the matter?" Gordo called after her as she stormed in anger and terror passed him.  
  
She turned around and looked at him slowly. The letter…it had said, "He raped me. And I couldn't stop him. He is out of control, Lizzie; you need to get away from him before he hurts you." Those words were sincere, she could feel their truthfulness.  
  
"Gordo…honey," She said calmly. "You didn't honestly think you could get away with this, did you?"  
  
"What are you talking about Lizzie?" he said, sounding concerned.  
  
"You raped her, didn't you Gordo?" Lizzie's eyes began to tear and her face grew red with fury.  
  
"What? Who?" Gordo shifted awkwardly as he tried to sound confused and appalled by her comment.  
  
"You bastard," she yelled at herself more than him. "I thought you changed! I forgave you!"  
  
"Lizzie, I-I," he stammered.  
  
"What Gordo?" she asked.  
  
He stood in silence.  
  
"Right," she growled. "Tell me where her apartment is, Gordo, I'll pick up some divorce papers on the way back and deal with you later."  
  
"But Lizzie!" he started.  
  
"But what Gordo? You want me to forgive you for raping Miranda? Tell me where she lives, now!" she ordered him.  
  
"In Times Square to the right of the Holiday Inn," Gordo mumbled.  
  
She nodded and walked out of the apartment.  
  
~**~  
  
"Do you know if a Miranda Sanchez lives here?" she asked a man standing in the lobby of the apartment building.  
  
"Yes actually, she just moved here not too long ago, in the room B21 I think," he replied.  
  
"Thank you," she said and hurried up to the room. When she found it she knocked on the door.  
  
To her dismay, there was no answer. She reached for the doorknob and found that it was unlocked. She opened the door and saw it. The worst image known to anyone. There Miranda laid, blood spilled over her clothes from a deep gash in her neck, dead.  
  
Lizzie cried. She wanted to run, but she knew she couldn't. Instead she closed the door behind her, found Miranda's phone, and dialed 911.  
  
"911 emergency, can I help you?" The woman's voice said.  
  
"Yes, my friend, she's dead, she's been dead for days," Lizzie whimpered.  
  
"Where are you?" she asked.  
  
Lizzie gave the woman the address.  
  
"Alright," she said. "The police are on their way."  
  
'Thank you," she said and hung up the phone before the woman could instruct her not to.  
  
~**~  
  
The police arrived, took Miranda's dead body away, and took Lizzie back to the station.  
  
"Do you what happened here?" a police man asked her.  
  
"Yes, I do," Lizzie said, about to take out the letter, but then as an idea formulated in her head, she decided not to.  
  
"Officer," she began. "Gordo killed her." 


	10. Waiting For What? --- Edited Full Story,...

Waiting for What?  
  
Chapter 1: The Beginning  
  
"Miranda!" Lizzie squealed as she ran up the hallway.  
  
I turned around to see why she was so excited. "What's with you?"  
  
"You'll never guess who just asked me out!" She grinned widely.  
  
"Ethan?" I asked eagerly.  
  
"Nope, believe me you'll never guess!" Lizzie began to jump up and down.  
  
"Tell me!" I gave her the look that always made her spill.  
  
It worked. "Gordo!" She squeaked.  
  
"Where?" I turned around and looked for him but he wasn't there. Then I turned back to Lizzie and gave her a confused look.  
  
"No stupid, he's the one that asked me out!" Lizzie giggled.  
  
I stood there stunned with a look of horror on my face. She was right. I never would have guess that Gordo was the one who asked her out. This is bad, very bad. What am I going to do?  
  
"Miranda, is something wrong?" Lizzie's smile faded when she saw the not-so- happy look on my face.  
  
I recovered as quickly as I could with the most fake grin I've ever seen. "No, I'm so happy for you two," I said through gritted teeth.  
  
Luckily she bought it. "Oh good, for a second there I thought you were mad that Gordo asked me out!"  
  
I grimaced but Lizzie being her oblivious self didn't realize it. "Of course not!"  
  
"Thanks for being so supportive Miranda," Lizzie told me sincerely. "You're a great friend."  
  
"No problem," I lied.  
  
"I got to go meet Gordo now!" Lizzie was evidently thrilled. "Bye!"  
  
"See ya," I said weakly as she ran down the hall.  
  
~**~  
  
Over the next few weeks I became more and more depressed. My two best friends were dating. Under normal circumstances this would have been fine, and I would have been happy for them, but not when I was madly in love with one of them. Gordo, that is. I would've given anything in the world to be in Lizzie's shoes as she snuggled close to him on the porch. Seeing as I had nothing else to do, since my two best friends were a little preoccupied (with each other), it because a obsession of mine to watch them whenever they were together. I don't know why I did this to myself, for every time they touched, even in the very slightest, it would feel as if 1,000 knives where thrown at my heart. I became used to the pain though, because ever since Lizzie had confessed that Gordo had been the one that had asked her out to me, pain was all I felt. And yet, whenever Lizzie or Gordo would ask me if something was wrong, I would reply by saying "Why would you think that?" or "No, I'm just so happy for you two," and leave it at that.  
  
The day I dreaded most though, was the day that Lizzie and Gordo would share their first kiss. I knew it was going to happen soon and I didn't want to be there when it did. But I was. And as their lips met, a part of me died. I couldn't pretend to be happy for them anymore, I just couldn't. I was miserable. Still, I kept playing along. I couldn't tell either one of them that I wasn't happy for them. I didn't want to hurt them, even if it killed me first.  
  
A 7th grader isn't supposed to have feelings like these, something must be wrong with me. Why did I love Gordo so much? And what was I waiting for?  
  
~**~  
  
"Hey," Gordo said as he sat down next to me on the school steps.  
  
A chill went up my spine. I hadn't been alone with Gordo in months. Lizzie had always been there too. "Where's Lizzie?" I said quickly.  
  
"Left early," He said coolly. "Dentist appointment,"  
  
"Oh," I mumbled.  
  
"Miranda, things have changed between us, haven't they?" Gordo looked at me innocently with his beautiful blue eyes.  
  
"Really?" I asked. "I hadn't noticed,"  
  
"Seriously Miranda," He looked deep into my eyes.  
  
I wanted to grab him and pull him into the most passionate kiss he had ever experienced at that moment. But I couldn't bring myself to. Instead I burst into tears.  
  
"Oh my god Miranda, what's wrong?" He looked so concerned. "Please tell me what is the matter."  
  
"Nothing," I sobbed. I jumped up quickly to leave. He caught my arm.  
  
"Please tell me Miranda," His gaze had me under his control. If only he wasn't so damn gorgeous, then I could've gotten away.  
  
Then I did something I wish I wouldn't have done. I kissed him. Yes, I kissed David Zephyr Gordon with all the passion and all the feelings that I had been holding inside myself for three years. But the thing that surprised me most was that he didn't push me away. He returned the kiss. And after what seemed like hours I finally pulled myself from him and ran. I heard him yell after me, but I didn't respond. I just continued running. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. How could I have done that? What if Lizzie found out? She'd never speak to me again.  
  
~**~  
  
Weeks passed and she never did find out. Gordo and I just acted as if it never happened. They went back to their stupid little dates, and I went back to spying on them but now with more pain than before. I now knew that he would rather have Lizzie than he would me.  
  
Chapter 2: A Breakup and a Couple of Drinks  
  
Ten Years Later  
  
At the age of 13, I never would have guessed I'd be here in life. I'm 23 years old; I graduated from NYU, and now have a job as a freelance photographer for the New York Times. God, I love New York City. I moved here as soon as I could. My still two best friends, Lizzie and Gordo, live in the very same magnificent city as me. Although most people called them Liz and Dave now, I'll always refer to them as Lizzie and Gordo. Did I mention that they are married now? But I'm okay with it, or at least, I was.  
  
~**~  
  
Sam and I had been dating for almost a year. He had told me that there was something very important that he had to tell me at dinner that night.  
  
"So Sam, what was it that you needed to tell me?" I asked him after our food arrived.  
  
"Miranda, we've been dating for about a year, right?" He said.  
  
"Yes," I agreed.  
  
"Well, I've come to a decision," Sam said firmly.  
  
"And what is that?" I narrowed my eyes to look at him.  
  
"We should break up," He replied emotionlessly.  
  
I was surprised. This I hadn't expected. But I wasn't upset, just mad. "Could you at least let me know why?" I snarled at him.  
  
"Come on Miranda, it's obvious that you don't want to be in this relationship," Sam tried to think of and excuse.  
  
"No Sam, you want to know what's obvious?" I glared at him with anger. "That you are only breaking up with me because you found some whore to lay you more often than I do!" I stormed out of the restaurant while everyone stared at me. I made a note to myself not to visit that place in a while.  
  
"Horny bastard," I muttered as I walked up the dark street.  
  
I soon found myself sitting in a bar down the street from my apartment. I ordered a few drinks and things got a little blurry after that. I'm not sure how much I drank.  
  
I met this nice guy who bought me some more drinks. We began talking and soon started getting closer. I know that I shouldn't have been doing this especially after just breaking up with Sam, but his seemed strangely familiar and I couldn't seem to bring myself away from him (Plus the fact that I was horribly drunk and couldn't control my actions at all might have contributed). Things between this kind stranger and I soon got extremely intense and the bar tender kicked us out. I invited the man up to my apartment and I can't remember anything after that. I can only imagine what happened.  
  
~**~  
  
I slowly opened my eyes. Ugh, I see light, it must be morning. My head throbbed in pain. How late did I stay up last night? I rolled over and realized I wasn't alone. Ah! There's a guy sleeping next to me! And he's not wearing anything! I looked down at myself and quickly pulled the sheets up to my chin. And I'm not wearing anything either! Memories of the previous night began flowing back to me. I took a closer look at the man lying beside me and thought that he looked a lot like.GORDO!  
  
I screamed.  
  
He woke up. He reacted very similarly to me with one exception. His first words were, "You're not Lizzie."  
  
"Thanks for informing me!" I shot back.  
  
"Well, this is." My best friend trailed off.  
  
"Bad?" I finished.  
  
"I guess you could say that," He said, still in shock.  
  
"So um, I guess you better get home," I said breaking the short silence.  
  
"Yeah, but Miranda we really should talk about this," He looked at me seriously.  
  
"I'd run away but that's not a possibility right now," I said looked down at the sheet I was wearing.  
  
"Why do you do that?" He asked.  
  
"Do what?" I asked back.  
  
"Run away from everything," He stated.  
  
"I do not," I disagreed  
  
"Well, you always have when you didn't want to talk about something with me," He insisted.  
  
He was right about that. "Maybe," I mumbled.  
  
The telephone rang. Since it was next to my bed and I didn't have to get up, I picked up the receiver.  
  
"Miranda?" The voice trembled.  
  
"Lizzie," I looked at Gordo.  
  
He winced.  
  
"Miranda, Gordo and I got into a fight last night and he took off," She continued. "He never came home! What should I do?" Lizzie sounded very upset.  
  
"Oh, um, don't worry, he's here," I said.  
  
Gordo looked as if was ready to kill me.  
  
"I mean, he came over last night after you two got in a fight to talk things over with me. We both fell asleep on the couch and I forgot to let you know that he was here." I continued.  
  
Gordo let out a deep sigh.  
  
"Oh good, I was afraid he'd go get drunk and find himself in bed with another woman the next morning!" Lizzie seemed relieved that that wasn't the case.  
  
I forced a laugh. "Gordo would never do that!"  
  
"I guess you're right, but could you send him home, I need to apologize to him," Lizzie said.  
  
"Alright, bye Lizzie," I hung up the phone.  
  
"You really ought to leave," I said.  
  
"Miranda." He started.  
  
"No, your wife wants you home, get dressed and go," I cut him off. I looked the other way.  
  
He got out of bed and got dressed. Then he walked over to me.  
  
"Please leave, Gordo," I began to beg.  
  
"I'll leave now, but we will talk about this later," He stated seriously. Then he finally did leave. That's what I wanted, right?  
  
~**~  
  
I sat there in bed in the same position for three hours straight. I felt like I was 13 again, my love for David Gordon was returning. Maybe it never left me at all; maybe I just ignored it for 10 years.  
  
I'm a horrible friend. How could I do this to Lizzie? How could Gordo do this to Lizzie? How could we both do this to her? She doesn't deserve this, not at all. She never did anything wrong. But I can't ever tell her what happened, not ever. She can't ever find out. She'll be crushed.  
  
I need to talk to Gordo.  
  
Chapter 3: Awkward Conversations  
  
I felt shameful, yeah that's the word. I felt so many things, but shameful most of all. And I didn't want to talk to him, but I had to.  
  
I knocked on the Gordon's apartment door. Lizzie opened it.  
  
"Oh, hi Miranda," Lizzie said. "You can stay here with Gordo if you want, but I really have to get to the store,"  
  
I felt somewhat relieved that she was leaving, but still petrified of talking about our little situation with Gordo. "Alright, bye Lizzie," I said as she left the apartment and I entered.  
  
Gordo walked out of the kitchen. "Miranda," He said, obviously a little surprised to see me so soon.  
  
"Hi," I replied vaguely. "Surprised to see me?"  
  
"Yes, but I'm glad you are here. We really need to talk." He told me.  
  
"Yeah, I know," I sat down on the couch.  
  
He sat next to me. "Lizzie apologized to me, and you know what?" He paused and looked at me. "I accepted it! I acted as if it was just some little argument we got into and that is all! I must be the biggest asshole in the world, not to mention the worst husband!"  
  
"I know what you mean Gordo; I hate myself too for what I did to Lizzie, I have no right to call myself her best friend!" I said truthfully.  
  
"Miranda, we've gotten ourselves into a very big problem," Gordo said. "I feel so." He trailed off.  
  
"Shameful?" I finished for him.  
  
"Yeah," He muttered.  
  
"Me too," I agreed. "But what can we do?"  
  
"We could tell her," Gordo said but winced as he did.  
  
"No," I said too quickly. "She'd never talk to either of us ever again,"  
  
"I know," He looked down.  
  
"Do you regret it?" I asked and then cursed at myself once she realized what I had said.  
  
"Well of course I do, why wouldn't I?" Gordo almost yelled defensively.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to ask that," I hadn't expected him to react like that.  
  
"You regret it don't you?" He asked me, still a little ticked off.  
  
As I open my mouth to answer, I realized that I couldn't answer him, not truthfully at least. I didn't regret it. Sure, I probably wouldn't have done it if I was sober, but I didn't regret it now. And I can't ever force myself to regret it because I love Gordo. And nothing, not him marrying my best friend, not him having completely platonic feelings for me, could ever change that. I wanted to regret it for Lizzie's sake, but I just damn couldn't. "Yeah, I do," I lied to him while looking him straight in the eye. "But I just want to know Gordo, why did this happen?"  
  
"You know, Lizzie and I got into a fight," He said finally cooling off.  
  
"About what?" I asked.  
  
"It was stupid, about work I guess. She said I needed to spend more time with her," He said. "Then I just got pissed off and left. And at the bar down the street is where we met up I guess. What were you doing there?"  
  
"I was just mad about Sam breaking up with me, that's all," I said emotionlessly.  
  
"He broke up with you? God, I never liked that guy," Gordo grumbled.  
  
"I know," I said. "But are things ever going to be the same?"  
  
"Between us?" He paused. "Well, we could pretend that they are, but I doubt that they ever really will be."  
  
"Yeah," I said.  
  
The front door swung open. Lizzie staggered in holding two bags of groceries. Gordo and I both got up and took one out of her hands and took them to the kitchen. "Thanks," she called after us.  
  
"Hey honey, hey Miranda," Lizzie said when we came back out of the kitchen. "So what've you two been doing?"  
  
"Just talking," I said.  
  
Gordo nodded in agreement.  
  
"Well, I have to go now," I said.  
  
"Bye," Lizzie and Gordo replied and waved.  
  
As I walked on my way to my apartment, I realized I'd never be able to get over Gordo. I'd never be able to be married, at least not happily, unless it was to Gordo. I was hopelessly in love.  
  
I think I need therapy.  
  
Chapter 4: Unexpected Actions  
  
So what if I'd had an actual conversation with Gordo concerning our little dilemma? It hadn't solved anything; I just realized I was even more in love with him. What the hell is wrong with me? People aren't supposed to fall in love with their best friend's husbands, it just isn't natural! Well, technically I did love him before Lizzie did, but that's beside the point. There was only one thing I could do to get Gordo off my mind. I had to tell him how I feel about him, then I would at least have some closure, right?  
  
~**~  
  
The telephone rang as I held the receiver to my ear, waiting for someone to pick it up.  
  
"Hello," I heard a male voice answer. I let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Hi Gordo, can you come over please?" I asked him quickly.  
  
"Oh Miranda," He acknowledged me. "Now?"  
  
"Yes, now," I said. "And don't ask questions, just come over, please?"  
  
"Alright, I'll leave a note for Lizzie," Gordo told me. "See you in a few," He hung up the phone.  
  
I also put down the receiver. Oh, God. This was it. I was about to tell Gordo my true feelings for him.  
  
~**~  
  
I heard a knock at my door. I went to open it and as I suspected, Gordo was standing there.  
  
"Hey Miranda, is something up?" He asked as he walked inside and shut the door behind him.  
  
"No, why would you say that?" I replied unconvincingly.  
  
"Maybe because you told me to come over here in the middle of the day and not to ask any questions?" He suggested.  
  
"Oh," I said stupidly. "Well, I guess something is up then." I sat down at the kitchen table.  
  
He seated himself across from me. "Okay," Gordo paused. "What is it then?"  
  
"Well, I've been thinking," I began.  
  
"That's a good thing to do from time to time," He smirked, but his smile quickly faded when he realized that his joking around was making me get extremely nervous. "What have you been thinking about?" He asked more seriously.  
  
"Well, us," I said, but then added, "You mostly,"  
  
"And?" He urged me to elaborate.  
  
"Gordo, this is really hard for me to say," I told him.  
  
"Miranda, you know you can tell me anything," He said with concern.  
  
"This may not help the situation that we're in." I trailed off.  
  
"I don't care; I just need to know how you're feeling, or whatever you are struggling with," Gordo said sincerely.  
  
"Gordo," I took a deep breath. "I love you."  
  
"I know you do Miranda, and I love you too," He told me. "But what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"You don't love me the same way that I love you, Gordo!" I said with a little more intensity than I had meant to. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?" He asked with fear of my reply.  
  
"Gordo, don't you get it?" I stood up and walked over to him as the tears began to flow. I looked straight into his bluer that blue eyes and sobbed, "I'm 100%, head over heels, more than you'll ever know, in love with you! At this very moment I wish I could grab your face and bring it to mine and show you exactly why I kissed you back in 7th grade. You may not even remember it, but I do, and I was just as much in love with then as I am now! I know I'm pathetic, never saying a word of this to you before now, but it doesn't matter anyway. I'm too late. You're married to my best friend!"  
  
Gordo sat in that wooden kitchen chair, with his eyes as large as they could possibly be, bewildered.  
  
I ran into my bedroom without taking the time to shut the door and thrust myself onto the bed. I shoved my head into a pillow and screamed.  
  
Then I heard his footsteps. He was standing next to the bed staring down at the back of my head, which was hidden inside a pillow.  
  
"Miranda," Gordo whispered as he bent down and put both his hands, one on each cheek, on my face and lifted it from the pillow. He pulled me so that I was looking directly into his eyes. "It's okay."  
  
It's okay? What did he mean it was okay? Was he okay with the fact that I'm in love with him? I was about to ask if what exactly he meant by 'it' being okay, but then, to my absolute astonishment, he answered my question wordlessly.  
  
He kissed me. And it wasn't just a quick kiss on the cheek; he kissed me on my longing lips, with so much power and passion that it almost overwhelmed me to the point of fainting. But I did not faint, I eagerly returned his kiss and each second it grew more exciting and intense. But also with each second our kiss grew more and more wrong. Although sleeping with Gordo seemed much worse than one kiss, no matter how many strong feelings were involved, it was accidental that we had betrayed Lizzie that night. But today, was worse. We were intentionally hurting Lizzie.  
  
And yet, we continued. I could not stop, I didn't want to. And apparently, Gordo didn't want to stop either.  
  
~**~  
  
Our one kiss led to many that afternoon, and our very convenient spot to begin kissing soon got the better of us. That's right; I, Miranda Isabella Sanchez, and David Zephyr Gordon had sex in that bed.again. But this time, we meant to. It was real. I had gotten what I had always longed for.  
  
Why did it have to feel so wrong?  
  
Chapter 5: The Little Surprise  
  
I am a bad person. No, a REALLY bad person. I slept with Gordo. My best friend's husband! AGAIN! And I wasn't drunk either. I wish I would have been, then I'd have an excuse. But I'm not that lucky.  
  
I felt sick. I mean, seriously sick. I didn't know what was wrong with me. So I figured it was probably just guilt.  
  
~**~  
  
"Lizzie, I'm just not in the mood right now," Gordo said. "I'm sorry honey, I'm just not."  
  
"Gordo, is something wrong?" Lizzie asked. "Because you haven't been in the mood once for the past few weeks!"  
  
"It's just that, well, I don't know," he muttered.  
  
"We used to have sex all the time, Gordo. And now, you've just completely stopped it," she told him. "I need you back."  
  
"Lizzie, I understand. But, just, not now, okay?" Gordo said.  
  
"Whatever," she was obviously disappointed and walked away.  
  
~**~  
  
"Hello," I picked up the phone.  
  
"Hi Miranda," Gordo said. "Things aren't going so well here."  
  
"They aren't here either. Can you hold on a second?" I dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom to throw up. That had been happening all day.  
  
"Sorry, I had to uh, puke. I feel horrible." I told Gordo once I had gotten back to the phone. "I don't know what this is, it can't be the flu at this time of year."  
  
"You should see the doctor, Miranda," Gordo said.  
  
"Yeah, I'll probably go later today," I said. "So what's your problem?"  
  
"Lizzie's been offering and I've been refusing, if you catch my drift," he said.  
  
"Oh," I said uncomfortably. "Sorry, I don't think I can help you on that one, but we haven't really talked about what happened last week, have we?"  
  
"No," he said. "But, we both we sober and knew what we were doing, right?"  
  
"Unfortunately," I said. "But what are we going to do? I mean, I don't know about you but, I, well, I don't regret it, because no matter how much guilt I may feel, if you take all that away, I haven't ever felt so happy."  
  
"Although that sounded a little confusing, I know what you mean, and I agree," Gordo admitted. "But I'm married. And that's a commitment I can't just break."  
  
"Sorry Gordo, but I think you already did," I told him.  
  
He sighed. "I know."  
  
"Well, I think I'm going to call the doctor now, so I'll talk to you as soon as possible, okay?" I said.  
  
"Alright, bye," he hung up.  
  
I did too. Then I found my doctor's phone number and called. I had an appointment in an hour.  
  
~**~  
  
I sat in the waiting room.  
  
"Miranda Sanchez," a nurse called.  
  
I followed her into the examining room.  
  
"The doctor will be in shortly," she told me.  
  
I nodded.  
  
After about ten minutes, the doctor came in. "Hello Miranda, I am Dr. Richards, how are you?"  
  
"Well, I've felt very sick all day," I told him. "I've thrown up an awful lot."  
  
He checked all sorts of things in a doctorly way before finally giving me a cup to pee in and packaged bag. "Here, pee in this cup and then open the package and follow the directions.  
  
"Alright," I said, although confused.  
  
~**~  
  
I hate when doctors make you pee in cups. Oh well, I guess it determines something.  
  
After I finished with the whole cup business, I set it down and open up the packaged bag.  
  
It was a pregnancy test.  
  
"Shit," I whispered to myself. Why hadn't I thought of this before? I made perfect sense. What if I was pregnant? Gordo and I most likely didn't even use protection the first time! We were drunk. We didn't think. "Please God, no!"  
  
I followed the directions on the test.  
  
I waited impatiently for it to be done.  
  
It was.  
  
Chapter 6: Death Threat  
  
POSITIVE.  
  
My screams were heard throughout the entire building.  
  
But then I noticed something important, something that could make a drastic change in my life:  
  
The test was upside down. I had read it wrong. It was negative.  
  
I did I double take. I re-read the directions about 20 times. Yes, the test was really negative.  
  
I let out an enormous sigh of relief and slid down the bathroom wall.  
  
Sometimes I want to kill myself for being so thick. How the hell could I read the pregnancy test wrong? I'm such an idiot. A damn lucky idiot at least.  
  
So I wasn't pregnant. Thank God. But, I almost had a heart attack when I read the test wrong.  
  
The fact was though, in a very small way, as crazy as it sounded, I wanted to be pregnant. That way, even though it would ruin Lizzie and Gordo's marriage, and Lizzie and my friendship; I would have Gordo to myself once and for all.  
  
But the other fact was that in a much larger way, I didn't want to be pregnant. And I was so thankful that I wasn't.  
  
~**~  
  
After I left the doctor's office that day, my sickness faded away. Just guilt was all it was. But although the sickness faded, the guilt did not.  
  
And there was no way of getting rid of the guilt; I'd just have to live my life with it. And I'd have to give up my heart and soul to Gordo. I couldn't have him. He is Lizzie's. Not mine. He should be in a museum with a sign that says 'Do Not Touch, MIRANDA!' I never should have touched. But when he touched me, I lost all ability to him. And now things are different.  
  
~**~  
  
A week passed. Gordo tried to contact me numerous times, but I could face him. I had thought long and hard about everything that had been going on. I came to an extremely tough decision. I had to get rid of this guilt. I'd end up killing myself if I wasn't free of it soon. I was going to tell Lizzie EVERYTHING. Then I'd leave and never see her and especially never see Gordo ever again.  
  
~**~  
  
"Hello?" Gordo's voice answered the phone.  
  
I couldn't let him know it was me. I couldn't talk to him. "Um, hello," I said in a deep voice. "Could I speak with Mrs. Gordon, please?"  
  
"May I ask who is calling?" he asked.  
  
Damn. "Uh, this is her boss," I said quickly.  
  
"Alright," he said.  
  
Yes, he bought it.  
  
"Mr. Manchester? Is there a problem?" Lizzie said into the phone.  
  
"No Lizzie," I said in my normal voice. "It's Miranda. Gordo couldn't understand me because I was eating something."  
  
"Oh, good. I thought I was in trouble at work," Lizzie said.  
  
"No, but do you think you could come over to my place?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, sure," she said. "I haven't talked to you in a while."  
  
"Yeah I know," I said.  
  
"Well, I'll see you in a few minutes," She said.  
  
"Bye," I hung up the phone and sat nervously on my couch. This was it.  
  
Ding-Dong.  
  
I answered the door and Lizzie came inside.  
  
"So Miranda, what's been going on lately?" Lizzie asked.  
  
"More than you could imagine," I told her.  
  
"Well, I've got time if you'd like to fill me in," she said.  
  
"I would," I said.  
  
"But before I start, I want to say goodbye," I said.  
  
"What?" she asked confused.  
  
"And also, you should know that you and Gordo are my best friends and I never meant for any of this to happen. But, I take full and complete blame for all of this," I said.  
  
"What has been going on Miranda?" Lizzie began to get worried. "You're scaring me."  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. "I'll tell you everything."  
  
"Go ahead," she said.  
  
And I did. I told her that I had loved Gordo my entire life. I told her about the time that we were both drunk. And also about the time when we both sober. And then about the doctor visit I had last week.  
  
She had started crying at the very beginning, and by the end, she had stopped. Now she just stared at me with pure hatred. "You., you." she couldn't even speak.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said.  
  
"How could you?" she finally spit out at me with anger.  
  
I looked at her blankly.  
  
"How could he?" she asked herself more than anyone else.  
  
Lizzie stood motionless for about five minutes. Then suddenly she yelled, "I hate you, Miranda Sanchez!"  
  
"I know you do," I said quietly.  
  
"No, let me speak, and don't you dare say a word!" Lizzie's watering eyes were now red and filled with rage. "If I had a gun right now, I'd kill you, Miranda. In fact, I'm considering killing you with my bare hands. But you know what, that's too good for you. I'm going to make you suffer. I TRUSTED YOU! You betrayed me! It was one thing for you to be drunk and fooling around on my husband, but then you tell me that it doesn't stop there! You went and fucked him AGAIN! You whore! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! You said you were my best friend. Best friends don't do this! NO ACCEPTIONS! I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life in jail, Miranda. I'm going to kill you. You are going to endure a long and painful death." Lizzie was drenched in sweat, and never in my life would I have thought she could be so mad.  
  
She started walking toward me.  
  
I took a step backward.  
  
She pounced on me like a jaguar on its prey.  
  
But within 15 seconds I had her pinned on the ground, unable to move. I hadn't hurt her, but she couldn't hurt me.  
  
I guess she forgot that I've had 6 years of karate and she's had no training at all.  
  
"Get off of me Miranda! I'll kill you, I will!" she screamed.  
  
"Lizzie, I know you're mad, but without a weapon, you cannot kill me," I said calmly. "I'll let you go, but only if you promise not to try to attack me again."  
  
"Why should I make promises to you?" she yelled. "You've obviously broken every promise you've ever made to me."  
  
I let her go and although she was still enraged, she didn't seize me. She walked silently to the door and opened it.  
  
But before she exited I asked her, "If you are planning to do what you said to me, what are you going to do to Gordo?"  
  
"I'm going to ask him who he chooses, you or me," she said harshly.  
  
"And what if he chooses me?" I asked.  
  
"He won't," she said and slammed the door behind her.  
  
Chapter 7: Life  
  
I watched as Lizzie slammed the door behind her.  
  
"Is this the worst day of my life, or what?" I mumbled to myself. Now I didn't just have to worry about losing my best friend and that man I love, but also my own life. Lizzie was mad.mad enough to kill. So I had to leave, for good. I'd never look back. I'd forget everything about Lizzie and Gordo. EVERYTHING. I had to begin a new, safer, life.  
  
~**~  
  
I called up a real estate company. I set up meeting to discuss selling my apartment with them. I even began to gather little things around the house and put them in boxes.  
  
Gordo had called my house numerous times over the next few weeks, but as soon as I realized it was him I'd just hang up. Luckily he had never tried to visit. A part of me wished he would visit, but it was best if he didn't. I really needed to get over him. And that meant not seeing him EVER AGAIN.  
  
~**~  
  
Two months have past, my house had been sold, and I began to unpack my bags and settle in my new apartment, one that is just 10 minutes away from my old one. But this is New York City, it didn't matter if I was close to them or not, Lizzie and Gordo weren't going to find me.  
  
I mean, neither Lizzie nor Gordo found me during those few months while I still lived at my old place how could they find me now?  
  
They probably weren't even looking for me.  
  
~**~  
  
"Oh sorry about that, sir," I said not really looking at him because I had crashed into him while walking home and dropped all of my groceries.  
  
"It's fine, let me help you," said a familiar voice as he bent down to help me pick everything up.  
  
I slowly lifted my head, already knowing the person I'd see crouched down in front of me.  
  
Gordo.  
  
But amazingly he didn't seem surprised, scared, or anything of that nature. He smiled. He smiled that great, wonderful, smile of his.  
  
Then he whispered softly, "Miranda, I chose you."  
  
I couldn't speak. I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I grabbed him and kissed him.  
  
There we were, crouched down on that sidewalk, in front of the supermarket, making up for all our days apart.  
  
Too bad that's not what happened.  
  
If only things had gone that way.  
  
Instead they went like this:  
  
"Oh sorry about that, sir," I said not really looking at him because I had crashed into him while walking home and dropped all of my groceries.  
  
"It's fine, let me help you," said a familiar voice as he bent down to help me pick everything up.  
  
I slowly lifted my head, already knowing the person I'd see crouched down in front of me.  
  
Sam.  
  
Remember him? The asshole that dumped me the night I slept with Gordo for the first time.  
  
"Miranda?" he asked.  
  
I stood up after collecting up my groceries. "Yes, it's me."  
  
"Wow, I haven't seen you in a long time," he said.  
  
"Yeah, and I bet you missed me so much, right?" I asked.  
  
"Of course I did Miranda," he assured me, putting him hand on my shoulder.  
  
I shrugged it off. "Look Sam, I've got to go," I said.  
  
"Come on Miranda, maybe we should go get a cup of coffee or something. You know, spend some time together," he said.  
  
As I was about to decline his offer, I remembered how I needed to move on. So instead I accepted to spend time with Sam. "Sam, your right, I really overreacted when you broke up with me about 4 months ago. And I want to make it up to you. Why don't we go up to your apartment instead of to the café?"  
  
"Miranda," he said, intrigued. "I will take you up on your offer, let's go." Sam put his arm around my shoulders and we walked to his apartment.  
  
~**~  
  
As I looked around this place I once knew, memories of my love for Gordo filled my head. I remembered how he'd gotten into so many fights with Sam when we first started double dating with him and Lizzie. He had told me over and over again that I deserved much better, but I never listened to him. And yet, even after all that time, I returned to this apartment.  
  
"Sam, I've missed you," I said seductively as I wrapped my body around his.  
  
"Me too, Miranda," he said and kissed me. "It's been too long."  
  
But Gordo was haunting me. Even as my tongue traveled through another man's mouth, images of us together occupied my mind. I needed to be rid of these flashes, once and for all.  
  
So I did the only thing I knew how to do in order to forget about Gordo.  
  
I gave myself to Sam.  
  
~**~  
  
Three more months passed. Sam and I were 'dating' again. But mostly our relationship was that we'd call one another when we were frustrated and without asking any questions, whoever was called would drop by for a quick visit and relieve the caller. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy all the sex I was having, but I didn't think of it as a real relationship.  
  
I wasn't in love. But I guess that wasn't the reason I began this anyway. I just wanted to forget about everything between me and you know who.  
  
And that goal was accomplished. I hardly thought about him anymore. That was, until yesterday.  
  
"Sam!" I pushed him away from me. "Not in public, I already told you!"  
  
"Then can we go up to my room?" he asked.  
  
I giggled and stopped to kiss him in the middle of the sidewalk.  
  
Then, in the middle of a more than polite kiss with Sam, he accidentally bumped into us.  
  
Yes, him. HIM. DAVID GORDON.  
  
I pulled away from Sam just in time to get a glimpse of his face.  
  
"Miranda!" he almost screamed. "And.Sam," he said much less enthusiastically.  
  
"Uh, hey," I said casually (Sam never knew about anything that had happened between Gordo and I and I preferred to keep it that way).  
  
"Sam, do you think you could get lost for a little while?" Gordo asked.  
  
"Fine, I'll see you later Miranda," he said and gave me a lengthy kiss in an attempt to anger Gordo. Then he left.  
  
"Gordo, let's go up to my apartment," I started.  
  
"Okay," he said and we walked there. "I see you're with Sam again."  
  
"Yeah, I am Gordo," I said once we went inside. "And you're with Lizzie, right?"  
  
"Miranda, she's my wife," he began and sat down on the sofa.  
  
"No, I don't want to hear it," I stood up. "I moved away so I wouldn't see you ever again Gordo. I wanted to forget about you. I wanted to forget how much I loved you. I didn't want to see you! Why are you here?"  
  
"I didn't mean to find you Miranda," he told me coldly. "I wanted to forget about you too. We both made a big mistake, don't you realize that? After Lizzie found out everything that happened, she forgave me, and of course I stayed with her! She's been loyal to me all my life! I'm in love with her, Miranda; I was never in love with you! What we had was just an affair, a meaningless affair. And I'll never make that mistake again."  
  
I should have known. Lizzie was right when she said that Gordo would never choose me over her.  
  
"Are you finished?" I wavered, fighting back tears.  
  
"No, we are," Gordo looked as he never did before. He was filled with hatred, hatred of me. "Never again, Miranda."  
  
I turned away from him. His eyes were too enraged to look into.  
  
He stood up, grabbed my shoulder and turned me toward him. "You ruined a lot of things Miranda, and now I'm going to leave you worse than dead." He kissed me in a forceful, revolting manner and pushed me down on the couch. I smelt liquor on his breath. Gordo was a strong man and whether or not I had karate training, I couldn't get out of his grip.  
  
"What are you going to do to me?" Tears trailed down my face.  
  
Gordo ripped off my shirt and threw it to the floor. "I hate you and now you're going to pay."  
  
"Stop Gordo, Stop!" I cried.  
  
But he didn't stop. He kept undressing me with anger and telling me I was going to pay.  
  
I screamed for him to stop, but he wouldn't. He then pulled off his clothes too and raped me.  
  
I begged, pleaded, and cried for him to stop, but he only kept going.  
  
I was in pain, more pain than I had ever felt in my entire life.  
  
Then suddenly he did stop. He stood up and took one last look at my shaking, naked body. Then, without a word, he put on his clothes and left.  
  
Chapter 8: Endings  
  
Gordo had left me worse than dead.  
  
~**~  
  
Last night I laid where he left me for hours. I felt so cold, so dirty, but I couldn't move. I was paralyzed.  
  
I finally pulled a blanket over my naked body and fell asleep.  
  
The next morning, I woke up and showered but I couldn't be clean.  
  
I needed a way out.  
  
But there was only one way out.  
  
~**~  
  
I found a blank sheet of paper and an envelope. I could use email, but I wanted this to be personal.  
  
I took a black ink pen and wrote on the envelope:  
  
Mrs. Gordon  
  
P.O. Box 54  
  
Brooklyn, NY 11205  
  
I placed the paper in front of me and wrote:  
  
Dear Lizzie McGuire Gordon,  
  
You already know who this is. You know me and my handwriting.  
  
DO NOT SHOW THIS TO GORDO. You can chose to completely disregard what I write to you, or you can believe me when I promise you that this is the truth.  
  
I know you hate me. You have every right to. But your husband, he bad too, Lizzie. I'm not telling you this because I'm angry, which I am, but I'm telling you this because you deserve the truth.  
  
Yesterday, for the first time in months, I saw Gordo. We went to my new apartment to talk, but he didn't talk to me. He raped me. And I couldn't stop him. He is out of control, Lizzie; you need to get away from him before he hurts you.  
  
You need to believe me Lizzie, I know I've lied to you before, but I wouldn't ever lie to you about this. Get away from Gordo. You deserved better from the very beginning. You never lied or cheated, he and I did.  
  
I'm sorry Lizzie. I'm sorry I did the things I did to you, and I'm sorry you have to find out about this, like this. But most of all, I'm sorry for ever loving Gordo. You were always a good friend to me. I wish I could have returned the favor. I never should have loved him. But now it's too late. Don't bother trying to contact me; by the time you get this letter, I'll already be dead.  
  
Things will be better off without my horrible existence in the world anyway, right?  
  
Sincerest Apologies,  
  
Miranda Isabella Sanchez  
  
I folded up the tear smudged, black ink, finished letter and placed it in the envelope without a return address.  
  
I drove my car to my P.O. Box. I slid the letter in and went straight back to my apartment.  
  
I went into the bathroom to collect all the old capsules and pills I could find. Being unsuccessful in this, I traveled to kitchen and drew out a small, but very sharp knife.  
  
It was so silver and shiny. I knew it would be the last thing I'd ever hold.  
  
"I'm going to die where you left me, Gordo," I laid myself down on that unbearable couch again.  
  
I held up the knife and stared at it for a few minutes. I could see my reflection clearly. I never thought things would end like this. I had so much hate inside of me. But I didn't hate Lizzie, and I didn't hate Gordo. I hated myself. I had ruined both their lives. I didn't deserve to live.  
  
After all, without life, I could stop doing the one thing I had always been good at, waiting. Waiting for what, you ask?  
  
"Gordo," I whispered and took my last breath as I slit my throat.  
  
Epilogue  
  
She emptied her P.O. Box two days later and found 4 bills, 2 magazines, and an envelope that was obviously handwritten. It read:  
  
Mrs. Gordon  
  
P.O. Box 54  
  
Brooklyn, NY 11205  
  
But something seemed so similar to her and as she walked back to her car. That handwriting.she knew it. It was Miranda's handwriting.  
  
Once seated in the car, she tore open the envelope, fearful of what it might contain.  
  
She read the letter it held slowly and soon reached the end of it.  
  
Don't bother trying to contact me; by the time you get this letter, I'll already be dead. The words echoed in her head. Miranda had killed herself.  
  
She shoved the letter in her pocket, turned the key in the ignition, and raced home. She ran up the steps and burst into her apartment.  
  
"Lizzie, what's the matter?" Gordo called after her as she stormed in anger and terror passed him.  
  
She turned around and looked at him slowly. The letter.it had said, He raped me. And I couldn't stop him. He is out of control, Lizzie; you need to get away from him before he hurts you. Those words were sincere, she could feel their truthfulness.  
  
"Gordo.honey," She said calmly. "You didn't honestly think you could get away with this, did you?"  
  
"What are you talking about Lizzie?" he said, sounding concerned.  
  
"You raped her, didn't you Gordo?" Lizzie's eyes began to tear and her face grew red with fury.  
  
"What? Who?" Gordo shifted awkwardly as he tried to sound confused and appalled by her comment.  
  
"You bastard," she yelled at herself more than him. "I thought you changed! I forgave you!"  
  
"Lizzie, I-I," he stammered.  
  
"What Gordo?" she asked.  
  
He stood in silence.  
  
"Right," she growled. "Tell me where her apartment is, Gordo, I'll pick up some divorce papers on the way back and deal with you later."  
  
"But Lizzie!" he started.  
  
"But what Gordo? You want me to forgive you for raping Miranda? Tell me where she lives, now!" she ordered him.  
  
"In Times Square to the right of the Holiday Inn," Gordo mumbled.  
  
She nodded and walked out of the apartment.  
  
~**~  
  
"Do you know if a Miranda Sanchez lives here?" she asked a man standing in the lobby of the apartment building.  
  
"Yes actually, she just moved here not too long ago, in room B21 I think," he replied.  
  
"Thank you," she said and hurried up to the room. When she found it she knocked on the door.  
  
To her dismay, there was no answer. She reached for the doorknob and found that it was unlocked. She opened the door and saw it. The worst image known to anyone. There Miranda laid, blood spilled over her clothes from a deep gash in her neck, dead.  
  
Lizzie cried. She wanted to run, but she knew she couldn't. Instead she closed the door behind her, found Miranda's phone, and dialed 911.  
  
"911 emergencies, can I help you?" The woman's voice said.  
  
"Yes, my friend, she's dead, she's been dead for days," Lizzie whimpered.  
  
"Where are you?" she asked.  
  
Lizzie gave the woman the address.  
  
"Alright," she said. "The police are on their way."  
  
"Thank you," she said and hung up the phone before the woman could instruct her not to.  
  
~**~  
  
The police arrived, took Miranda's dead body away, and took Lizzie back to the station.  
  
"Do you what happened here?" a police man asked her.  
  
"Yes, I do," Lizzie said, about to take out the letter, but then as an idea struck her and she decided not to.  
  
"Officer," she began. "Gordo killed her." 


	11. A note to reviewers

Okay, this isn't a chapter, just and Author's Note.  
  
I just wanted to thank everyone for their reviews and also point out a few things.  
  
A lot of you who read my story liked it until you got to the end because Gordo turned evil. I don't really hate Gordo (he's actually my favorite character on the show), and I don't think that any of the Disney characters would act like this at all. That's why this is called FANFICTION.  
  
Mostly, this story just uses the names of the characters from the show Lizzie McGuire. Their personalities I created myself and that's it.  
  
So, I just wanted to let everyone know that and have a nice life. This story is over. Yup.  
  
THE END 


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